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A little background, and sorry this is so, but it's a complicated situation. Was with a for 11 years. Typical story, but very sneaky about it, so I barely noticed how degraded and dependent I was until I got some therapy and medical help. Was about to lave when he was thrown in a third world prison, for no reason (really, read on ). It took me 18 months to get him home, during which time I lost all I had, and put myself in danger time and again. On return home, I filed suit against the that put him in jail and was completely vindicated (-, I told you he really was in for no reason). My suffered PTSD etc. from the ordeal and I nursed him back to a relative health, which almost cost me my own. I then found out that not only had be been cheating on me for years with prostitutes, but after I had helped him he continued to do so. Even while on house arrest. I was chest deep in the law suit, so couldn't leave him immediately, but made it clear that I was going to; which I did as as was possible. NOW, he is devastated. Calls me crying everyday etc. I have no to go back to him, that's not it, but I wonder why it all happened. I don't mean the psychological reasons on why people cheat, but what did he think was going to happen? I ask him that very question and all he says is, "not this." I ask him if at the time he thought there would be consequences; his answer is "I knew if you found out there would be." Now, we had a very hot relationship. Very exploratory and interesting sex, and lots of it. There wasn't a single thing either of wanted that the other wasn't willing to do. I probably would have had no problem with him visiting prostitutes if I had been asked, but I wasn't given the. He preferred to lie. So all you who have cheated on a spouse; What were your concerns about your relationship at the time? Did you think you'd never get caught or did you just not care? was there a thought process at all? I make no judgments, hell I don't even judge my ex harshly. We always be in each others lives in some capacity, our history is too complicated to not be. I just really want to know what goes through the mind of someone stepping off that fidelity/truth edge. Thanks! BTW~ my handle is from the legal forum . not meant for this situation